My premise is simple: If there can be pseudo intellectuals, then there must logically also be pseudo idiots.

And, in fact, the premise holds. We have many pseudo idiots in our midst. Individuals who spend their lives passing off as idiots but are actually highly intelligent creatures.  We wonder how such dimwits can be so successful without recognizing that they are not stupid; they only pretend to be. The pseudo idiot knows exactly what is going on but fosters the belief in others that he is a moron. By doing so, a pseudo idiot is able to achieve results that are astoundingly impressive.

Whereas it is relatively easy to spot a pseudo-intellectual, it is extremely difficult to recognize a pseudo idiot. This, of course, is the very essence of pseudo idiocy. We can go through life believing one to be an idiot whereas he may actually be quite the opposite.

In my perception, the greatest pseudo idiot ever has to be George Bush. His vacant look, his inane giggle, the plethora of his stupid utterances that led to coining of the word “Bushisms”, all led us to believe that we were witnessing an ‘A’ grade idiot whereas the facts were otherwise. Just look at his achievements. He managed not only to lead the world’s only superpower for eight years but also dictated his will to the world at large. Even now people believe that he stumbled into Iraq and Afghanistan due to his ineptitude; nothing could be further from the truth. It was a brilliantly executed plan, conceived by a visionary pseudo idiot. Europe believes that Bush junior engineered regime change in Iraq; it does not recognize that he screwed Europe equally as he was instrumental in causing the regime changes of Spain, Italy, Australia, the UK and other European nations. Only a pseudo idiot could dupe the British nation, only a genius could have a British prime minister behave as his ‘poodle’. Only a top class pseudo idiot could give Angela Merkel a shoulder rub while screwing the German steel industry.

Romanticists believe that George was pushing for an Arab Israeli solution; the reality is that both Gaza and the West Bank were totally contained and emasculated by him. George made the entire Muslim world turn inwards upon itself. He ensured that the Americans stay in the Middle East and South Asia for the next hundred years. (John McCain was not wrong when he stated that they are going to be there for that long. This is the plan). He boasted of a victory in Iraq; a return of the troops to the US and a stable Iraq run by Iraqis. Those that believe that this happened are the real idiots; not George.

Pakistan believes that it shook off the hold of America by getting rid of a dictator who sang the US tune; the fact is starkly different. George, the master pseudo idiot, rid himself of Musharraf who had started looking the Americans in the eye and placed a much more pliable and controllable team in Islamabad. He was the one who effectively set the scene for defanging a nuclear Islamic state. Pakistan is today a ‘rogue’, ‘unstable’, ‘failed state’ largely due to the policies of Bush.

And then, the master stroke; the pure genius of super pseudo idiocy. Handing over to a black guy to carry the blame and clean up the mess. Brillant; stunningly brilliant.

Stand up in reverence my friends whenever you think of George Bush. You have been in the presence of the archetype pseudo idiot. Pray that you are able to achieve just a miniscule portion of his abilities.

Footnote: We now have another pseudo idiot much closer to home. Not of the stature of George Bush but definitely of his genre. More about this later.